July 2017

Seeing the world through very different eyes

There are certain things that can happen in life that can make you take a step back and think how god damn lucky you are. For us, yesterday was one of those days.

Of course, the past couple of years dealing with our fertility issues has been extremely difficult and now embarking on our second cycle knowing all the hard times that are to come with another potential painful outcome makes it very hard to keep positive all the time. And of course it’s very easy to get wrapped up in your own problems and forget that there’s a whole world out there of people suffering in ways we can’t even begin to imagine. Yes, not being able to have a baby is heart breaking and sometimes I feel like it’s all I think about. However, one thing Dave and I have always said is that we’re not going to allow ourselves to become obsessed with it. Trying to maintain a healthy perspective, counting the many blessings that we do have and acknowledging people who are going through a lot worse is a way of coping that I have found really helpful. No matter how dark your world is, our fortunes far outweigh our misfortunes and for that I am eternally grateful.

Yesterday we attended the funeral of a friend’s husband. She and I loved to talk about our ‘soul mates’. Now I’m aware that is a pretty cheesy phrase and you may be cringing whilst reading this, but to be honest that is exactly how I view Dave. Not because he is perfect, I am perfect, or we’re perfect together 100% of the time! But because we met in such a way that we almost may not have met at all! As I’ve said before, I was at a very low point in my life when we met and I really feel like Dave saved me. The fact that we subsequently fell in love and got married was, I feel, all meant to happen.

Our friend felt the same way about her husband and the fact they had been so blissfully happy for so many years was testament to the love they shared. When talking about her husband I felt as though I knew exactly what she meant and how she felt about him, and the fact that they have now been separated is one of the most heart wrenching things I’ve witnessed. To see someone in so much pain and completely incapable of knowing how they will go on with their life without their best friend by their side in everything they do is so distressing and really makes you appreciate being alive. Yes, we are struggling to have a baby, but when it comes down to it what does that really matter compared to life? Dave and I have our health, we have loving family and friends and most importantly we have each other. And that is worth more than anything else we may be going through right now.

I’m not trying to undermine anyone’s Infertility struggle; trust me I know how tough a journey it can be and over the next few weeks I will no doubt continue my catalogue of moaning blog posts once the injections start and the egg retrieval is looming. But I would encourage anyone who is feeling particularly low or having a bad day dealing with their fertility issues, to have a moment of quiet reflection about all the good things they have in their lives, and be thankful for it. For in the short space of a year, a few months or even a few days, life can be altered without recognition and the blessings that you forgot to count might be gone forever.

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