Probably the most common question that has been asked in our household since we found out we couldn’t have a baby naturally is “Why us?” We are a happily married couple who love each other dearly, we have a lovely house, enough means to give a child a good life and overall we are pretty good people. So why has the universe decreed that we cannot complete our family with the addition of a beautiful baby?
I can’t tell you how much it angers me when I see these TV shows “19 kids and counting” or “Queen of Benefits Mum of 12”. These idiots pop kids out like smarties and then quite often drag them up without much love, care or general necessities of life.
I know that if Dave and I had a baby it would be the most loved child on the planet. We both have pretty strong views on how we would wish to parent and whilst we would never let our child become a brat, he or she would want for nothing and most importantly it would be showered in love and affection from day one.
The fact that we are having these problems makes me wonder if maybe we are asking for too much. Can we ever really expect to have it all? There are many people I know who appear from the outside to have the perfect life; but when you start to peel away the layers, are they really happy?
I am someone who can say that, apart from the lack of a child, I am truly content with my life. And that is mainly because I have a fantastic marriage. Don’t get me wrong; Dave is not perfect by any means (his world class snoring definitely loses him a few points), but he is perfect for me.
We are so compatible with each other that when I think about how we met and how close we came to actually not meeting, it scares the hell out of me!
Before I met Dave I had been in a relationship that was the definition of hell. I remember thinking to myself one night when it was really bad, that if I could just have peace and quiet for the rest of my life, I would be happy. I didn’t care if nothing exciting ever happened to me, I didn’t care if I was single forever, I just wanted some peace and to be left alone.
Extracting myself from that relationship was extremely hard and the scars it left took a long time to heal. But during that time I met Dave; definitely an instance of wrong place, wrong time. I couldn’t have been more off men if I tried, yet here was this jolly, funny, lovely, caring man who seemed too good to be true. I spent the first few months and even year of our relationship waiting for him to slip up. Surely no one could actually be this nice of a person, so patient, so loving, so so caring. The remarkable thing was that he never slipped up, and hasn’t to this day. How he was single when I met him I have no idea; we like to say that he was just waiting for me.
I never used to believe in fate; but can honestly say it was destiny that Dave and I met and ended up having this terrific marriage. Of course it’s not hearts and flowers all the time; I can definitely be a cranky cow from time to time and Dave’s snoring is probably the main thing we bicker about, bless him! But it’s always just that, bickering not arguing. Over the 2 and a half years that we’ve been married I really feel that I love him more every single day, and our infertility struggle has only brought us closer together. He truly is my best friend but also the one that makes my heart skip a beat every time I look at him.
So maybe we have been so lucky to find each other, to have a marriage that probably not many people ever get to have, that to have a baby together too would just be too much for one couple. Maybe throughout life you only get a certain quota of happiness or luck, and we have used all of ours up already. If that is the case then so be it; we will give it our best shot and if it doesn’t work we will be content with each other. As I said in my wedding vows, I count my lucky stars every day that I found Dave, so maybe the universe has just run out of stars for us. I hope not, and we will keep trying, but can anyone ever really hope to have it all?